What Would You Call This?
by Alasse-Estel
Summary: The results of being bored, loving Lord of the Rings, and having a dumb blond friend all at the same time...
1. The First Story

DISCLAIMER: Tolkien's! Not mine! Not mine!!!!  
  
Me and my friend like to play this game. One of us writes one paragraph of a story, and then shows the other the very last sentence of the paragraph. Then the other one countinues form there, and shows the last sentence, and back and forth until the story is over! These are the short little tales we've gathered over the months.... I should mention, I'M usually the one who actually makes sense when I write... The weird stuff, it's mostly her's. ^_^  
  
It was a very bad day. The sun was shining, and the birds were singing, but to Frodo, it was a bad day. First thing in the morning, Sam decided it was a good time to try The Gaffer's new food coloring on Bilbo's pancakes, and after it turned his face bright orange the old hobbit had been in depression all day. That had been a bad thing for Frodo,because it ment HE had to go and help the younger hobbit children with the swimming lessons Bilbo promised them.  
  
Then as soon as he got to the children the balrog jumped out and devoured exactly 36 squirrels! Including Bilbo! Yes, sadly Bilbo was gone......Forever! Then, out of the flames a whip swatted out! Not from the balrog though... From Pippin! He ordered the balrog to eat the children and Frodo! Then right when he was about to Frodo jumped out. He ran for the bushes!  
  
He blushed fiercly. The cold wind reminded him just how bare he was to the world. After running through the undergrowth for an hour he came upon a little cottage, where an old hobbit woman was tending to her laundry. "Please help me!" He cried from the bushes. She glanced up,and her eyes practically popped out of her head when she saw the naked hobbit. "RIHTA!!!! YOU WERE RIGHT! HE'S HOT IN THE BUFF!" She shreiked towards the cabin. Frodo looked towards the cabin, fear written in his heart. There, standing in the doorway, was the tallest human woman he had ever seen! Atleast seven feet tall she was, her enourmous curly black hair reaching for the sky. "COME TO ME, MY ANGEL!!!!" she screeched, stampeding towards him. A pair of large hands swooping down to him were all he remembered, before everything went dark.  
  
But before the hands got to him, 3 large burgundy toes popped out of nowhere! They scratched Gandalf with all of their "toe strength"! Yup, everything in them! Pippin, snickered evily and gave out a shallow smile. Frodo cried out, "How could you have done this Pippin?!" Pippin replied, "Haha! I was only in it for the apples!" Frodo then said, "Huh.....?"  
  
Rihta snickered, then tossed him a large cookie. "You heard me! Eat that cookie lad!" Frodo stared at her, his large blue eyes that didn't work practically the size of Brittany's butt. "I can't eat that thing!" he gasped. "WHY?" Rihta scowled. "To many calories!" Rihta rolled her eyes- then a stray arrow suddenly wizzed through the open window and buried itself in her heaart! She dropped dead. Frodo squealed and ran towards the door, only to have two arrows imbed themselves, one in each eye. Two figures stepped out of the trees. "Nice shooting Joy." "Good job Brittany."  
  
THE END  
  
(Oh, Tolkien, have mercy...) 


	2. The Second Story

It was Friday night and Frodo and Sam were out partying with all of their buddies. They were quite aggrivated when they noticed Legolas gettin all the girls. "What's he got that I don't, Mr. Frodo?!" squealed Sam. "Hmm...Not sure..." replied Frodo, "but this is torture!" Next to him stood a rather tall uhh...plump young girl. she had dark skin and wildly big black curly hair. "Oh Mr. Frodo atleast you got a girl, but I--" Sam was rudely interupted by Legolas bragging, "Get them off me Sam! Get them of me!" All the girls (including Rosie) were all over him! "Go on ladies! give old Sam a try!" said Legolas..... "EWW!!! Eyeballs!" squealed one the girls. Sam, was now way ticked off and threw a punch at Legolas! Leggy immediately used his incredibly slick elf skill to kill off Sam! And that was the end of Sam. Hurray for Leggy! Rihta quickly clung back on to Frodo....  
  
"Off me, sewer wrench!" He cried shoving her off him. "But Frodo!" Rihta cried, pouting like a frog. "I love you." He stared at her a moment, then fainted in shock. Suddenly Gandalf came through on his eagle. "Whoa boy!" He shouted, pulling the massive bird to a halt beside Rihta and the fainted ringbearer.  
  
"What happened here?" Rihta shrugged. Gandalf stared at her a second."Know what?" he said, staring at her with a mischevious gleam in his eye. "What?' "You're hot!" 'Rihta gasped. "That is so wrong!" He nodded, moving closer to her, "You bet it is, rowr!"  
  
"Oh Frodo! You swept me off my feet.... I... I...I love you!" Rihta confessed to Frodo. "Are you crazy woman! Gee wiz! Joy was right! You are a nut!" Frodo replied. Rihta was heart broken! She then tied herself to him and said, "Never let go Jack! I'll never let go!" then she released and watched him drift into the cold water... Wait......! When was he in the ocean?! Oh well, he squirmed for dear life but she just stood back and said "If I can't have you, nobody can!" Then Brittany practicing her bottle throwing skills threw a big one at the Rihta and Joy, using her strength within, jumped onto Rihta, wrapping her legs around her and squeezing like a snake. Suddenly, that sea creature thingy that looks like a mutated octupus grabbed Frodo and ate him while Joy thought, "Well, if he's gone might as well feed him more" and tossed Rihta into the sea..... The creature thing ate her of course where she lived happily ever after!  
  
THE END 


	3. The Third Story

Warning, this is one of the stranger ones, and I need to explain stuff now. One, Brittany is the name of my partner in crime, Joy is my name,and Rihta is code for someone we both know, and not really like... and in Brittany's case loath.  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Once upon a time, Elijah got very mad at Brittany because she sprayed him and ruined his blue eyes. He was very mad, so he got his loyal fan girl Rihta to attack her. Now, Brittany was a mistress of all Orlando fans, be they man OR woman, and when Rihta came bearing a large rubberband gun, Brittany called on her ally, Joy of Scots, the world famous Billy fan girl, and there was much pain.  
  
But Rihta was a huge big fat jealous jerk who loved pancakes and guys named Elijah Wood, swooped down on her little Elijah and tried to eat Brittany! Yes EAT the little dear! But before she could, joy cut off her enormous legs! Then she put Elijah on her knees and used him as instant legs! all you have to do is microwave him for 2 minutes! Then ugly horrifying Rihta visciously ripped out her claws and grabbed Joy by the neck. Then Elijah off her legs and ate her!  
  
Joy held her hands in the air, "Stop stop! The above sentance is making NO sense! 'then elijah off her legs and ate her!' There's supposed to be a comma there! Not a period! I'm gonna call my lawyer!" everyone stared at the Scottish nut blankely. This wasn't SUPPOSED to make sense! Not to mention Brittany was never one for grammer rules. Elijah stared at Joy thoughtfully, then barfed Rihta back up, no damage done, except her hair had fallen out. Everyone stood around quietly for a second, then Brittany raised her hand, "Why don't we go out to eat?"  
  
Mmmm.......Food.......Ya. Everyone was devastated about Elijah kickin' the bucket, but all Brittany wanted was her food! She had no money though, so everyone gave her money and she ate....and ate.....and ate! It was good to! Not that I would know! I'M NOT BRITTANY!!!! Then Chandler (brittany's "boyfriend") sprayed Rihta with cleaner stuff like the lady on that comercial with the HUGE gap in between her teeth, you know???? Then they left and Joy bought herself a pair of Iverson basketball shoes, and Brittany got T-mac's, and Elijah was raised from the dead and bought himself also a pair of Iverson's and became a pro basketball player!!!!  
  
THE END  
  
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^  
  
Ewww, these get worse everytime.... Ok, Brittany's writting is usually filled with chaat room talk (ei: Wutz up!!!!!1!!!) and her grammer.... It's not the best, and I clean it up mightly, but in the stories i make refrences to that stuff. be not confused, loyal readers! Perhaps one day I'll publish these things just as they were written and you can be even more weirded out. 


	4. The Fourth Story

"I don't like fans very much," Merry Monagan muttered, pulling the shrieking girl off his head, and throwing her out the window. Legolas nodded from where he was lounging on the couch, wearing his favorite silk muumuu and eating swiss chocolates. "They DO get rather boorish don't they?" Suddenly Pippin and Frodo popped into the room, a fangirl on each leg. Pip scraped his off with a spatula from the little kitchenette and flushed her down the toilet. Frodo just hobbled to the window and threw the grusome girl the way of Merry's fan. Eomer followed them shortly, pouting because he had only been chased by six fans, unlike Legolas who could be expected to have atleast 30 by lunch time. The lads all sat on the couch to exchanmge evil fan stories, while waiting for Aragorn to show.  
  
Then Pippin came out and started dancing to spanish music! Howling and shaking his booty (yummy...)! Aragorn walked in and started dancing with him! Then Karl dancing along with Merry, Frodo, Pippin, and Gandalf! all booty dancing to the song!  
  
Thirty girls watching through the window (never mind that the boys were in the penthouse on the sixtieth floor...) stared to drool and swoon, falling off the high roof in the process. Bystanders on the street were subjected to a literal rain of terror, and the girls plummeted to the concrete, laughing like drunkards the whole way. Aragorn showed up aftre returning from photographing his son playing soccer with a great white shark. It didn't go well and the kingly one of the LotR group was doubled over with grief as he slouched his way into the apartment. "He'll never walk, man! He'll never walk!" He cried, hanging off of Merry's shirt. "It's alright Aragorn! He can walk fine!" Merry mumbled, shoving the distrought man off. Aragorn sniffed, "No he can't! THREE toes, count 'em THREE! That darn shark bit off THREE WHOLE TOES! My poor baby!" and he started to weep again. Merry rolled his eyes at the other cast members then gustured towards the window. They all silently nodded.... five hours later Aragorn came to senses, hanging off of the flag pole mounted out side the window... 


End file.
